conjunction junction, what's your function?

What a strange strange place I live in... I think I inhaled some harmful material from a broken lightbulb tonight- it was hanging dead and tired in my bathroom, probably years longer than I've lived here, and in a spontaneous fit of anxiety sanitation I decided to climb upon my countertop and remove the medal shards with pliers and diligence. Now, as I attempt the settling-down phase of the evening by watching *Reality Bites* with this overheating computer on my lap, I feel the pangs one gets in the stomach before full blown nausea propels the head into the toilet. Correlation? Cause and effect? Who cares? I'm dying!

It's no coincidence I'm watching this classic 90's documentary. (Did you know that Evian is naive spelled backwards?) 20-somethings discovering themselves- their sexual identities, their careers, their values, their favorite songs in gas stations... God it's so real! If only I was a 20-something 10 something years ago, then I really could have escaped into the flickering TV screen with a stronger sense of support, understanding, and true freedom.

Reality Check. I change lightbulbs and clean fishbowls for fun on Wednesday nights. Stomach pangs still present. Sugar belly is rolling over my boxer shorts. Left shoulder is more tense than the right without just cause. I've been exhausted all day and when the stilled, dark night breaks through my blinds my eyes pop out of their sockets with youthful and ridiculous zest. Hormones? Raging but stifled like a lion in a San Francisco zoo. Emotions? Mississippi flood: daunted, frightened, hopeful, content, mournful, scared shitless, fearless, and blindly infatuated in no particular order. This is a grand imploding explosion internal commotion. (Laney you are IN the Bell Jar.)

I never knew so many things could happen at once, or so many states could collide into one present mind. It seems like I've had scarier times in my life, but none of those memories are popping out and all I can see is a right now in your face like it or not ever changing brutal and silent, raw hysteria that is living as an independent, open young bloke-dame in a detached city. Yeah, I've got some issues tonight. Reality really Bites.
...I'm nervous and pensive, and I still can't wait to break out of my shell...