After 200 yards, turn right...

Then turn right.

(That was weird.)

There's a smile written on the sun today, which is shinning down on me, bathing me in a light that I have not known for some time. When I stride westward down Irving with my gaze loosely fixed on the great big blue and my gate falls in a straight line that makes my hips swing slightly, my hair bounce in rhythm, I can feel my heart mirroring the sun. Things feel "right;" I am supposed to be here and be here now. Not only is it all ok, life is astounding and I am perhaps the luckiest person in San Francisco.

My heart sings, but my head is mumbling obscenities. I've got bills, taxes, and prescriptions to fill. I've got insurance paperwork to complete and program plans to digest a new job anxiety to entertain. I need to dust, eat, paint my nails, wash dishes, toss the wilted flowers... pull myself together...

At 1:13 my GPS spoke on its own from the box next to the tv. "After 200 yards, turn right, then turn right."

Talk about an attention grabber! Be it poltergeist or phantom, battery glitch or hallucination, it made me laugh. It reminded my heart to overcome my head and note the big picture. Though my mind is chattering quizzically and doubting and jumping and hesitating on minutia, and though I've got some pretty serious concerns to take time for, the fact of the matter is that the sun is shinning in on me and I am reflecting. I am happy! I feel good and radiant! I start my dream job on Monday, I'm seeing about a guy, and I have a great apartment that's cheap. Things might not get better than this...

"As we roll along this way I am positive beyond doubt that everything will be taken care of for us... even you, as you drive, fearful of the wheel."
~Jack Kerouac

...After 200 yards, you have reached your destination.

un-detaching

What does it feel like?

God, I don't know.

Where do you feel it?

There's a place to feel something?

These questions elude me. I hear them, but they're coming at me like a foreign language that I never cared to study. I *should* know it, but I absolutely do not. I realize that I've detached myself from my Self just to avoid some slight pain. I guess what I neglected to pay attention to was the subtle irritation of being so detached... like a spider that gets under your sheets and crawls up your leg in the night, but if you move you'll mess up the warm spot.

Well it's time to ruffle up the sheets! It's time for my simple me to get back in touch with the dirty, smelly reality and breathe it all in like it were my last breath. It's time for me to know exactly where I stand, where my feelings lay, and what exactly they consist of. It's time for my thumbs and forefingers to come together again and unite the rest of me. Intraconnection without ego. Bring on the real.

50 random things that make me joyful:
1. a little bouncy bounce
2. oreo blender blasts
3. Seeing God in everything
4. snot rockets when I'm running and else times
5. Random anti-sports (ie. bowling, putt putt)
6. giggling
7. splenda
8. wearing sunglasses at night
9. wearing earrings in my second holes instead of my first ones
10. complimentary colors
11. thanking people
12. traveling
13. dreaming of traveling
14. London/GB
15. Singing obnoxiously loud in the car
16. gaudy bracelets
17. winking and receiving winks
18. america's next top model
19. Allison doing the voice of Sid
20. Laughing so hard my stomach hurts
21. making funny voices
22. climbing trees
23. taking pictures
24. hot tubs
25. the 1st bite of cheesecake
26. artistic movies that have spiritual undertones
27. blue suede shoes
28. sand dunes
29. waves
30. wind chimes
31. attics
32. the color turquoise
33. mullets
34. ankles
35. holding hands
36. flying kites
37. movies & popcorn
38. learning new things
39. cigars
40. dancing
41. new cotton underwear
42. running fast
43. burritos
44. ethnic food
45. cleaning compulsively
46. first dates
47. campfires
48. intuition
49. the feeling of recognition
50. really long spoons.

26 random things that others know of me (because they tell me so):
1. intellectual
2. honest
3. genuine
4. considerate
5. spunky
6. spontaneous
7. helpful
8. caring
9. passionate
10. flirtatious
11. sexy
12. beautiful
13. artsy
14. fartsy ;)
15. spiritual
16. confident
17. encouraging
18. supportive
19. intriguing
20. creative
21. funky
22. inspiring
23. contemplative
24. exciting
25. loyal
26. insightful

What I believe in:
perseverance
preservation
purity and it's resulting clarity
loving without qualms and conditions
direct and honest communication
limitless goals
reporting for jury duty
transcendentalism is the form of constant self improvement and willingness to learn what's beyond the obvious
silence
attention to details like all the colors in the trees and the sound the wind makes even though it's invisible
smiling
smiling with an orange peel stuck in your mouth
rolling up the sleeves, tying back the hair, and getting dirt under the fingernails
howling at the moon
moving forward
moving with minimal physical imprint but paramount emotional impact in every step
music
sweating
crying from the marrow
balance
9 hours of uninterrupted sleep
celebrating minute successes
a unique, uninhibited, unapologetic way to dance through life
finding a safety zone either in location or people or reckless imaginations
Now.
Right Now.

What does it feel like?

Like a cool breeze running from the top of my head through every appendage and pore that makes my finger tips glow - the only way they know how to smile; like I'm weightless and gliding in the "meant-to-be" direction; like I'm rooted and connected to everything - everyone else, and nothing could be wrong.

Where do you feel it?

Everywhere.

Threads

(my friend's lyrics that sum it up):

March cold and damp, the rain soaks to my bones
Walking up Fell past Victorian homes
My insides hollowed out
From whiskey chasing doubt

But I'll keep hanging on by a thread
And I'll finish this song 'fore I'm dead

One April morn marks the day of my birth
Just twenty-four and I'm weighing my worth
I'll soon be twenty-five
Just bury me alive

But I'll keep hanging on by a thread
And I'll finish this song 'fore I'm dead

May, warm and bright, waking up with the sun
It's all I can do to put down your gun
I wouldn't have the nerve
A cowards learning curve

But I'll keep hanging on by a thread
And I'll finish this song 'fore I'm dead...

did I post this before? hmm. no matter, it's just the chorus of my song, a song that's yet undone. I've got some more words to scream before I'm really through. Naturally, I will let you know how that goes.

I hear voices in your hat

You are -Here you are
Print mant fly on clear film
Canvas w/ board behind so you can nail into it
How Rothko painted
Back of plane tree
William Henry Fox Talbot

Alfonso Ossorio
"congregations" - assembly works

products jpeg display

wood stand with wire + tea bags

fake burgular alarm for honda

[found: to-do list. stow lake, golden gate park. awesome]