i am not ruling the world.

i'm offended.
every day and every hour i hear something that crawls under my skin like black tar with legs and it settles within me, sucking my blood.
i hear these things and i see these things and i am helpless to stop them - i am so uncomfortably not numb, so passionately pricked by words of hate and demise, yet if i open my mouth or raise my voice, letting the levies break and the river of justice pour out of me, you will find me the enemy.
i'm hurt.
i am so broken in the mind from absorbing the thick and slimy smog looming over me from work to home and atop my bed...
my community is a sickly jaundiced aura to my well being and it reminds me constantly that i am not as welcome as you are; i have not overcome the same things you have and therefore I have less value; my ancestors projected a stereotype for me, of undeserved wealth and fortune that in this gray and dismal reality i have to purposely reach short of my goals to earn your respect.
synonym: pessimistic.
i'm silenced.
there are so many thoughts and opinions and ideas sprouting in my unearthed and over watered brain that the roots are growing out my ears and nose and filling my throat so i cannot explain.
there is this unbearable feeling, this emotion that tells me things are not right. you are not getting me. you are not understanding your equal part in why our environment has gotten so poisoned and out of control, and your eyes gaze over me, your attention to me fades as I soak in the toxin of our neighbors hatefulness and sly backhanded racism.
i am a white woman.
not a black woman or a gay woman or an underprivileged, at-risk and over grown youth.
you say, "until you stop ruling the world, maybe i'll have some sympathy for you."
But I am not ruling the world....
I am your neighbor, your colleague, your right arm and two feet for whenever the moment should beckon, and I am fighting with you and for you and for your cousins and siblings and children and for all of humanity.
I'm not advocating for everyone else just like me
I advocate for me. Just as I advocate for you.
This is not a race of skins
This is the human race and I am a member
Acknowledge me, help me, hear me out, because believe what you will from stories past down through my fathers, I know what it means to fall victim; and i feel - from the core of my marrow - what it's like to suffer with internal protest.
I am you in more ways than one, so love me duly, for
I am not ruling the world.